Star Trek: Section 31
★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
This so-called film is a tragic mishmash of poor creative choices and the misguided belief that Star Trek can be used as a vehicle to tell any sort of story the powers that be want to tell, in this case a generic made-for-TV action adventure with characters designed to appeal to emotionally immature ten-year-olds. Star Trek: Section 31 is a jumbled mess of incoherent elements that almost never gels onscreen.
The most telling element is the poor choice of acting style directed into this show. It's what I call daytime TV movie of the day acting. This particular style is where all the characters material is delivered in a way designed to appeal to an emotionally immature ten-year-old.
"Evil" characters, like Philippa Georgiou, cackle and use a sarcastic tone to denote their edginess and badassness. Characters we're supposed to believe are capital AWESOME, like future captain Rachel Garret, use a sarcastic tone of voice, just like a moody teenager, to denote their capital AWESOME badassness. Wacky, ka-razy characters, like laughing Vulcan boy, use a ka-razy, eye-rolling Irish tone of voice to really telegraph at high wattage just how ka-razy they are, just in case their acting put you into a coma and you failed to observe that their overacting really was dialled up to warpspeed 9.95. This continues for all the so-called characters until, ninety minutes later, they allow the sweet embrace of death to ease you from the pain of watching any more.
Don't worry about watching this; you'll never have any need to watch it in the future, as it will almost instantly take on a reputation as the worst Trek to trek anywhere, and future generations will be protected against seeing it by its laughably bad reputation. So relax, pull up a chair to a blank wall, and spend ninety minutes watching that instead; your time would be better spent.